From Microfiction

Not Tom Waits


Car can

Craig! You won’t believe this—pickup if you’re there, man. Craig? You’re not gonna believe who I just saw. I’m standing by his car right now. D’you see Tom Waits on Letterman last week? He’s on tour. He talked about how he’s not riding on his own tour bus ’cause he’s allergic to the naugahyde seats or something. He bought a used car in Ohio and he’s following the bus “at a safe distance,” he said. Yeah. Said it doesn’t have a GPS, but it’s got one of those little floating, eyeball-shaped compasses on the dashboard and an AM radio. This has got to be the car! I don’t see the compass, though. But I saw Tom-flippin’-Waits himself just get out of the car and walk into the Walgreen’s here! In Maplewood. I can’t believe it! I think he’s living in the car, man; it’s just full of garbage.

Hey, wait a minute now, he’s coming out of the store. I gotta check this out. He’s, he’s … wait a sec. No, no, that’s not him man. This guy’s balding and he’s got a tattoo of, uh, looks like “Guns & Roses” on his neck. Nah, just some dude. Forget about it. Not Tom Waits.