Randy’s Guide to Birds
Whitebird
Varieties:
Ghostbird, White-hued Ghostbird, Ivory White Ghostbird, Snowbird, Audubon’s Kneebiter, Larry Bird
Scientific name:
Carpe ivorium
Field marks:
White feathers; an attitude of entitlement; kidneys in the shape of a navy
bean (this can be difficult to observe in the field).
Song:
Toot, toot, tootoooooot
Fun facts:
- Shakespeare’s Hamlet laments the death of Ophelia in the following lines (which are often cut in modern performances of the play):
Ophelia thou gentle little wench
Wingéd like a fallen whitebird at night
Too soon pluck’d, drownéd in a pool of tears
- Nine out of ten cats prefer the taste of Whitebird meat over Bluebird meat. Whitebirds out-poop Redbirds by more than a third. Much of the “bird lime” found on the statues in New York City parks is attributable to Whitebirds.
- Ornithologists have reported Whitebirds are adapting their migration strategies. Rather than flying, many now choose to take buses, trains and—on the Mississippi River—paddleboats. A few hitchhike. One bird in 2015 tried repeatedly to arrange a ride with Uber and, failing at that, got a really sweet deal on airline tickets from Priceline.com.
